Hi, my name is D and this is my writings on subjects. I'm no rapscallion or anything at all. If you want to you can read my writings on subjects if you have free time. If you want to argue with me or call me names then please comment. Negative feedback is very welcome...I love dat shit. Me? I'm not even a noun, I'm a fucking verb, dude.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

The Role of "The Mayor" in Modern Society

In the wake of the mayor of Toronto's scandalous crack-gate scandal, we shall be looking at what the role of "The Mayor" should be in a modern society.

Many Many Years Ago...

...It was different. Etymologically speaking, the word "Mayor" derives from the french term of "Maire" (or phonetically off the french term "meilleur" which means "better"). In regards to the intended use it is closer to the term "maegester/maestro/maitre/meister" which means "having control or authority" according to Online Etymology Dictionary.

In the old days Europe was administered by what was referred to as "seigneuries" or the "feudal system" as you'd see it referred to in Sid Meier's Civilization series. Basically anyone who sucked-up to the king or won some sort of merit on the battlefield or in political office was awarded land by the king. Anything who lived on that land was considered property of the land-owner whether those things were cows, sheep, bugs, or human people.

The people would refer to the landowner as "master" and had to give this person a portion of any grain, milk, etc. they produced (we'd call this a "tax" today). This situation wasn't ideal and many peasants revolted against the landowners (obviously).

In order to minimize revolts against the corrupted and badly thought-out system, they had to figure out a way to justify it to the peasants. The tool they used was religion, they convinced the peasants (who were not the brightest people) that the King was ordained by God himself to rule on earth and anyone appointed by the King was thus a representative of God as well. They started to call the taxes "tithes" and they would be given directly to the church. So, thanks to some good old-fashioned religion, the feudal system took roots. Peasants were now happy to be in eternal servitude because they thought they were doing "God's" work.

They started calling their landowner's "Seigneurs" now...which means "Lord" in English and it is obviously a more religious term than the previous one. Through religion the paesants went from being angry at their servitude to some moron...to being happy about it.

So, even today we refer to officials as a passed down term for "Master" and it is directly linked to the feudal system. Obviously officials are no longer appointed by a king to live off the people's "taxes" (well, unless you're in the Canadian senate...I guess).

Modern Times

Remnants of the feudal system are becoming fewer and fewer every decade. Soon enough it might be totally wiped out. Is a "Master" or a "Mayor" in today's society regarded as a divine Angel sent from "God" to rule over his subjects? No.

Then what is the role of a Mayor in today's society? I don't know...

Alleged Crack-Head (left)
In the wake of Rob Ford's Crack-Gate...I think I have figured it out.

People are talking about Toronto all over the place. I've seen this talked about at length on Jon Stewart, Jimmy Kimmell, and other well-watched programs. Do you know what is said about publicity? That's right...

"No Publicity is Bad Publicity..." -Ancient Business-Man Proverb

This is basically just publicity for the city of Toronto which is healthy for their economy. Toronto is on people's minds now...their brand is growing because they have a crack-head mayor. I still remember Marion Berry's name for instance and that he was the mayor of Washington (and that he was a big crack-head) and that's like over a decade ago now. Marion just drew attention to his region, that's all he really did.

It gives business-men traveling to Toronto for business meetings an opening joke before their power-point presentations. Before delving into their quarterly reports...they can open at the commerce center of Toronto with a nice topical joke about their crack head mayor...for ensured laughter.

Maybe the role of a Mayor is for publicity and entertainment purposes.


I think I've always known this. I've never really taken politics and voting seriously. Way back in 2001, when I turned 18 there was a vote going on and I was excited to do my first vote. It was a vote for the mayor of Montreal. The choices were some old dudes and a cool guy who went by the monicker of "Super Cochon" (Super Pig). Super Pig wore a pink wrestling singlet, a turquoise bandana with eye-holes over his eyes, and a great big "C" on his chest. I knew who I was going to vote for...and it wasn't the old dudes.

I got my voting shoes on and went down to the polling station. I was surprised to see that Super Cochon wasn't even on the ballot and that I could only vote for my specific region's official. I wanted to vote for Super Pig for mayor but since he wasn't affiliated with a party...he wasn't on the ballot in my region. I didn't know what to do, the Marijuana party was on my ballot but voting for them is for hippies so I didn't vote for them (I'm not a hippie.). In the end I voted on the back for an old Expos outfielder and that's what I've done since.

4th place. Close but no cigar.
I wanted Super Cochon to be mayor for the publicity. It would make a lot of press and make people all around the world talk about it. Historically, a pseudo-super-hero named Super Pig wouldn't have even been the most comedic election result.

Top 20 Satire Candidates: http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/Top/satirical_candidates

Yes, a foot powder once won an election in Ecuador. Yeah, that's never going to be forgotten...ever. That's achieved legendary comedic status.
All Hail Mayor Pulvapies !

I don't vote in a mayor election to let some old man waste or steal my tax dollars. I vote for a mayor to get on historical comedy lists. To each is own, you know?

Super Cochon received 8000 some-odd votes in that election but not enough to get elected and make it onto historical satirical candidate lists. Shame.

Looking back at the election results of the 2001 Montreal mayor election, the winners of the regions are names no one's heard of or will remember (a lot of former federal Quebec politicians and a handful of Total Goombahs!). They are boring people doomed to be forgotten in a sea of extreme lameness. But If Super Cochon won...you think anyone would have forgotten that? No, it would have been a great victory for comedy and would have gotten a story in just about every single newspaper possibly worldwide.


In a modern society where people can't be coerced into caring about their Seigneurs/Lords by religious means...are politicians no more than jesters? Is the value of a politician in their inherent entertainment and publicity generating value? It would seem so.

If all publicity is good publicity...is having a crack-head mayor a blessing in disguise?

Hey, riddle me one more question my smart people...

Can a foot powder steal your money? Don't think so...

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Rating some Kook/Conspiracy shows I saw on TV

My good computer is broken. It was so awesome....it was really useful for entertainment. Like, it was fast enough to do more than one thing at once, you know? I used to get so many windows going on that thing, I'd play like 3 different SNES games at the same time, while watching some Hey Vern! It's Ernest! on another window, chat on Skype on another window, and read an online book in the bottom right part of the screen...all simultaneously. Now that's an entertainment device. Wow, a good computer is the king of entertainment devices. A good computer is like the Henny Youngman of entertainment devices...versatile.

My computer has been broken for almost a week, and I've been watching T.V. Shows in the meantime.

Having to watch T.V. Shows this last week, I've come to realize that T.V. sucks, man. How can I look at one thing for a half of one full hour? It's hard. I should be watching one of these shows on a small window on the bottom left of my screen while I do 25 other things. Watching T.V. Shows full-screen and without side dishes is soooooo hard.

I noticed there's a lot of kook shows on the air right now. What you'd used to only find on Art Bell's Coast to Coast radio show is now pretty mainstream. I like crazy folks, it's not that I ever believe what they say, but it's usually very entertaining and (very rarely) edifying to listen to the opinions they wish to present.

Alright, so here's my take on two kooky shows that I saw.

First though, I want to present some kook 101 terminology beforehand so it's not always in parenthesis after the statement (which is out of place and dumb looking). The following are terms I use to refer to certain kooks:

Class A: Person who says the most insane nonsense for the sole reason of drawing attention to themselves and gaining money from the strange things they say/write. This person DOES NOT believe anything they say, they do it simply for the exposure, fame, and profit.

Class AA: Person who claims to be an investigative journalist who is exposing strange things. They, like single-A, DO NOT believe what they say and the "investigations" are a farce. Good examples of these are big foot trackers, ghost hunters, conspiracy investigators (exposers of the "truth" so to speak).

Class B: Person who says the most insane nonsense...but truly and honestly believes what they are saying.

Class BB: Person who is legitimately and certifiably delusional and/or totally fucking kooked-out crazy. These people are hopefully in institutions and not allowed in public due to them being a violent danger to themselves or others.  

Alright, so with that terminology out of the way...let's begin the pending review.

Jesse Ventura - Conspiracy Theory

I didn't know what to make of "The Body" after I found out he went full-blown into the conspiracy investigation field. He's from a pretty legit background...he's an ex-marine, ex-governor, and of course ex-pro wrestler. He's been in the political field and actually knows a thing or two about it, so it's interesting to hear his views on certain matters.

Jesse is a witty and interesting guy. I always listen to the Stern show when Jesse comes on it but only recently saw his Conspiracy show. Jesse seems to want to come across as an investigative journalist, but does he pull it off or does he devolve into a total Class AA kook?

First of all, the word "Conspiracy" itself is a bad way to go. Real investigative journalists avoid this word and don't use it. When they investigate something they will refer to it as a "fraud", a "scam", or a really big organized scam as "collusion." The word "Conspiracy" is a really loaded word...as soon as you say it to someone they start to think about martians, voo doos, and bigfoots.

The music, camera effects, and overall direction of the show tends to try and milk that word for all its worth. You almost half expect a bigfoot to be hiding behind some corridor or tree when he walks by it. He was in that movie "Predator" and that's what I think the director is going for with this show. The music and camera angles make you think a predator monster is gonna jump out and maul Jesse at any given time.

Despite the obvious sensationalism of the show, he retains his wit and still comes off as being intelligent and interesting. He even flashes signs of skepticism in some cases, reminding the viewer that he hasn't gone off the deep end (right at moments where you think he might have). When faced with asinine and extremely silly conspiracies he's not afraid to go full skeptic on someone. My favorite instance being when he calls out that dope David Icke for being a total Class A kook, he even straight out asks him how many books he's sold due to the crap he says.

It's odd in this genre of programming to flash skepticism on the audience because you might lose viewers. His target audience is not the type to want to hear him tell them that there's no aliens in area 51 or lizard men running society like David Icke tells them. Don't worry though, Jesse does enough to placate to his target audience to make up for the occasional bursts of rationality. The most annoying thing he does to placate to his target demographic is invite that Alex Jones on the show all the time.

Jones is a hybrid of Class A and Class AA (with a splash of Class B). I think he displays some interesting critiques of government and society at times but it is lost between tirade after tirade of inane yelling and invective. The thing that I dislike most about him is his fans, they think that listening to him or reading prison planet/info wars makes them know-it-alls. He's kind of like the Insane Clown Posse, that band is kind of interesting but when you see the legions of fans behind them (juggaloes) you are instantly turned off to ICP due to the immense retardation of their fans. Same for Jones, his legions of retarded fans make him unbearable.

Oh man. You thought the comparison of Alex Jones to Insane Clown Posse was a bit of a stretch? Well, what do you think of that above video then? Honestly, his shtick is so un-entertaining, I mean he's either yelling like a fool or acting like a clown (sometimes even literally), there's times where you think he's actually a genuine Class-B kook.

All in all, I think Jesse is above the morass when it comes to Class-AA "investigators" and I think he's a really smart and interesting fellow but ultimately his sensationalized presentation and usage of Alex Jones makes this show a lot less palatable. Obviously to make money he needs to placate to a certain target market, I understand that, but just for me personally this show is pretty bad.

Weird or What?

Another show I happened upon this week whilst my good computer was broken was William Shatner's "Weird or What?" program.

Shatner presents some phenomena that invokes wonder and then proceeds to try and figure out what the heck caused this. Where have I seen this premise before? Hmmm....It seems similar in nature to Charles Fort's excellent 1919 text...The Book of the Damned.

Charles Fort's book written in 1919 is a very good read because it has a very strange formula to it. Fort basically states a strange phenomena that he collected from a newspaper/other source and then proceeds to basically try and rationalize what happened to cause the phenomena. It's strange in the sense that he at some point (not always off the bat and not always right at the end) will always present the most rational, logical, and simple explanation. Yet he wraps the logical explanation around paragraphs and paragraphs of imaginative theories, utter nonsense, philosophy, views on life, and a myriad of questions.

I have a bunch of quotes of his to show his writing style but I'm gonna try and emulate his style instead (just for fun). The following is me trying to write in the style of one Charles Hoy Fort....

In American Science Journal v.1 pp26-29, a man in Hartford, Ct. was struck in the head by a golden cicada roach which he states fell from alarming heights onto his head whilst he was cleaning his rag wheel.

Golden cicadas are not a known native species of Connecticut, making this particular datum highly intriguing. Was the man a collector of foreign insect specimena? Surely not, do not jest. He stated to the inquirer that he loathes bugs of all sorts.

Could a dimensional portal to lands unknown be the culprit to this conundrum? How could a foreign bug have landed on his head had it not been from at not least countries unknown if not from worlds unknown? How do we know that when roaches die they do not pass through some temporary vortex into the atmosphere to disintegrate their worldly tissues? Would it be commendable to recommend to the esteemed investigator of this phenomena that the cicada may have been an insect who existed millions of years in the past?

Seemingly some may think the species came upon ships trading goods from the orient yet how would that explain the bug's inter-dimensional time traveling?

Perhaps the investigator failed to figure that a wind tunnel formed above the farmer's property whilst he was cleaning his rag wheel and that wind tunnel just happened to have caught a cicada who was blown away in a terrible hurricane who's origin may or may not have been the Mei Goren Sino kingdom of modern China?

Here today gone the next. Wind is a funny thing is it not? Blowing around all sorts of dusts of life and golden bugs. Wind is a very transient affair I must say. Whipping up vicious storms in all corners of the world over. Blowing everything around from humans and trees just like dust and bugs or even golden cicadas.

Ok, that was my best Charles Fort impression. Now back to my original point, if you'll notice...the most logical explanation is mentioned, that the bug likely came to Connecticut via a cargo vessel from the orient, yet that simple (and BORING) explanation is buried under a myriad of highly imaginative suppositions and some fun philosophy is thrown in at the end.

Fort says in the Book of the Damned that the simplest and right answer is quite boring, and all the imaginative things that collective human minds have come up with, even though wrong, should be recorded into history for what I'd assume is for entertainment purposes. Fort calls these imaginative yet erroneous thoughts, the "Ghosts of the Mind," and refers to Ghost of The Mind datum as something worth collecting. Hey, some people collect stamps, some people collect shoes, some people collect baseball cards....and then there's guys like Fort who collect erroneous datum (or Ghosts of the Mind).

Fort once stated,

"I believe nothing of my own that I have ever written." -Charles Fort

That's where the real entertainment value is. Art Bell (the host of Coast to Coast) understood this too, Art let his guests express the most asinine and ludicrous explanations and theories on his radio program...yet he never ever actually said he believed what they were saying. Art would have the kookiest dudes on to talk about aliens, lizards, and 5th dimensions...but he never ever said implicitly that he agreed with any of the guests opinions. He just liked having some Ghosts of the Mind statements travel over the airwaves to people's ears, I guess.

Anyway, that was a long Fortean interlude was it not? Back to Shatner's show...

The Weird or What? program always gives you the most logical and sound answer to the phenomena but they wrap it around a myriad of questions (asked in Shatner's iconic voice) and slap on some highly imaginative anecdotal theories.

For instance I saw an episode where the phenomena was sunspot activity and they interviewed a NASA scientist who explained the most rational reason as to why sunspot activity has decreased in recent years...but they also let some whacko express his opinion that (if I remember correctly) alien spacecrafts were crashing at right-angles into the sun and through some kooked-out silliness these marooned vessels were disrupting sunspot activity...

...Yeah. All the while Shatner is asking questions like "could it be aliens?" in perfect feigned Fortean foolishness.

I like this show because the producers/writers/director/host seem to have the Fort Formula down to a tee and really get it. It is the most intelligent, entertaining, and least sensational way to present high weirdness by teevee.


In honor of the late Roger Ebert, I'm gonna give the shows thumbs.

A regrettable thumbs down to Jesse Ventura's Conspiracy Theory. Mostly due to his association with Alex Jones (who has minimal to zero entertainment value).

A thumbs up to Weird or What? for presenting the Fort Formula so well, and big ups and props to the Shat for asking the Fortean questions in the proper ham style (great casting).

End Note: That Henny Youngman joke in the opener paragraph is not really current or topical by any means. He was a stand-up who also played violin so when I was thinking of what to compare a multi-tasking entertainment device to...I naturally thought of Henny Youngman but I'm not sure if it was the right way to go in retrospect. Maybe a more current multi-talented fellow that should have been used as the comparison may have been someone along the lines of a Dolph Lundgren maybe.

Maybe I should go back and change the Henny Youngman joke to Dolf Lungren. Naw, eff it...you people have internet so you can look up Henny Youngman....no big deal.

Monday, May 13, 2013

The Global Mystery: Who is Baba Jukwa...and will he/she spell the end of Robert Mugabe's 27 year rule of Zimbabwe?

Twenty seven years as head of state is a long time. In fact, it is too long. Zimbabwe needs free democratic elections without a doubt.

Robert Mugabe may have been a hero in the 1980s but at some point the need to stay in power has corrupted his mind.

In a country where speaking against the ruling party is totally illegal and incredibly dangerous...one mysterious Facebook account is turning some heads in the southeast African nation for the critical opinions expressed.

Account: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Baba-Jukwa/232224626922797

The account is registered to a "Baba Jukwa" and he claims to be a "concerned father" and member of Mugabe's political party. He seems to be using social networking as a means to fill the public in on the corrupt inner-workings of Mugabe's Zanu dictatorship political party.

His account has 60,000+ likes and has 17,000 facebook users currently talking about him/her. It doesn't sound like much but according to this article only 15% of Zimbabweans have internet...so although those figures seem low, it's actually pretty significant numbers.

You have to understand that being critical of the Zanu party is basically illegal and that what this person is doing on facebook is extremely dangerous. If the user's identity is discovered he/she is as good as dead.

Many countries with dictatorship-style governments heavily censor the internet, so it will be interesting to see what they do with this facbook account and how this plays out.

One thing that's fascinating about the internet is that not only are those statements in Baba's account being broadcast to Zimbabwe but also to the entire global community. The user may be on a suicide mission...but he/should know that many people the world over respect him/her for speaking their mind in a very oppressive society.

Will it end the dictatorship of Mugabe and bring free democracy to Zimbabwe? It's unlikely but it is very interesting...and it's something that most of us cannot relate to or even fathom. Most of us can't understand that for speaking your mind in some areas of the world....you can die....but it's true.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Fund for three victims in the Cleveland kidnapping.

There's a fund set up to donate money to the 3 victims in Cleveland (Amanda Berry, Michelle Knight, and Gina DeJesus).


Early reports suggest it's gotten to over $30,000 in just one day...pretty good.

If the internet rallied to donate $700,000 to that Karen Klein lady just for being called fat on a school bus...I think the internet can generate some good money for these young women.

If being called fat nets you $700,000....then to place a monetary value on the horrors these 3 young women went through in Cleveland....(using the Karen Klein pledge drive as a model)...these 3 women should receive about....

....I'd say 100 trillion dollars.

I donated to the Cleveland Courage Fund...and I think everyone should. The rest of these women's lives should be full of happiness, freedom, and good will. If anyone deserves to be happy it is them.

"If the scales of life are weighted down with cruelty, The other side must be lifted up with love..." -Mr. Wrong

On a Related Note:

From 2004:  http://www.cleveland.com/metro/index.ssf/2013/05/amanda_berry_is_dead_psychic_t.html

On the Montel Williams show in 2004, "psychic" Syliva Browne told Amanda Berry's mother that...  

"She's dead, honey....I see a garbage bin and a jacket with DNA."
The Grief Vampire

Friends of Berry's mother said she was so heartbroken after this that she gave up on life and died soon after. You can't blame her death on Browne but you have to admit that Browne is an awful woman.

I saw someone on the JREF's facebook's page refer to Sylvia Browne as a "grief vampire" and that is the best couplet of words I've ever seen to describe this woman. She profits off of grief stricken victim's families and this is not an honorable occupation in any way.

Meanwhile on the Grief Vampire's facebook page she's defending her actions and has about 5,000 likes for her retarded defense statement. Really? Five thousand people can still like her after this? This is getting ridiculous.

I can't seem to access her page right now, either I've been banhammered from it or she deleted her page. Hopefully it is the latter.

Seriously folks, there is NO SUCH THING as psychics. Get real...and stop giving your money to Grief Vampires. If you have extra money to throw around maybe you should give it to the victim's fund for the those 3 young women.

The link to the fund is up top but here it is again: http://www.clevelandfoundation.org/about/cleveland-courage-fund/

Those girls (Berry, DeJesus, Knight) deserve it, they really do.

As for Sylvia Browne? JUST SAY NO....to Grief Vampires.

Friday, May 3, 2013

What Soured Relations between the United Nations and Canada?

Canada had a security council seat at the U.N. from 1946 until 2010. They lost it and will not get it back for a long time.

It seems now that the International Civil Aviation Organization which has been in Montreal since 1947 is likely to be lost as well.

Why has Canada's global reputation soured so much with the rest of the world?

1. Canada went on a retarded and abusive lecturing tour at the start of the European economic recession that left a bad taste in people's mouths. The Prime Minister of Canada telling everyone to shape up and be more Canadian made everyone in the room roll their eyes.

2. Canada has openly stated that they expect "results" from the U.N. even in charitable causes. Canada pulled out of the African Drought Convention.


Canada is the ONLY country on earth who is not a part of this convention. The reasons given were that Canada wants "results" from the U.N. if they are going to be a part of it.

3. Canada has made it known that CIDA is no longer an "aid" organization (as if it ever was)...and is now solely an organization to promote natural resource extraction in third world countries. Sort of like an arm for companies like Iamgold Corp., First Quantum and and other Canadian companies.

Canada has aggressively told the U.N., Paris Club, and IMF to act in their favor concerning resource ownership in countries like Congo and Mali to help their mining companies in those regions.

Basically now,  when a Canadian official speaks at the U.N. it's only to their own reporters. No one likes Canada anymore.

Who cares you ask? Most Canadians take the attitude that the U.N. is useless and corrupt and they are happy that Canada acted like asses and made everyone hate them. But, then something like this comes around where the U.N. is pulling the International Civil Aviation Organization out of Canada and we start to think twice.

That's a decent sized organization and means a lot of employment, commerce, and foreign businessmen in the city. Losing it is not healthy for commerce.

I heard a Canadian foreign minister on Erin Rand's radio show today and I must say it was the stupidest thing I've heard in a while.

When Rand has politicians on he is very critical and asks tough questions. In an interview he did with Jean-François Lisée for example a few weeks ago...he was very abrasive and hard. Today though, when he interviewed the Canadian foreign affairs minister (Baird) he tossed him softball questions and didn't ask anything difficult. It literally is the Canadian federal government's fault that the U.N. and much of the world have done a complete 180 on their opinion of Canada...yet Erin just tossed softballs at him like a kitten.

I'm starting to think Rand is only hard on french people like Jean-François Lisée because their french...with english politicians he acts like a littly puppy.

Anyways, It just bothers me that little redneck piles of fat dung....guys like Baird....act as a representative of all Canadians to the world. If anyone around the world is reading...believe me...the average Canadian is not a retarded idiot like that guy who does speeches at the UN is.