Hi, my name is D and this is my writings on subjects. I'm no rapscallion or anything at all. If you want to you can read my writings on subjects if you have free time. If you want to argue with me or call me names then please comment. Negative feedback is very welcome...I love dat shit. Me? I'm not even a noun, I'm a fucking verb, dude.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Stretch Run: The Cos Media Circus Storyline is Drawing to a Close.

Opinion Piece. Nothing more. Nothing Less. All statements made are mere human opinions of a mere humanistic nature.

If you're from another country or something...the current media circus revolving around one Bill Cosby is coming to its fever pitch now.

First off, it should be noted that this feud is not Cosby vs. 200 Women.....it is Cosby vs. Allred. It is a media feud between two high profile media entities.

Cosby has 400 million bucks and Gloria Allred wants a cut. Every celebrity under the sun has come under attack from her at some point of their lives and everyone is afraid to say anything negative about her.

Cosby's team went on the counter offensive earlier this week by counter suing seven select members of the 200 accusers in the Allred camp. This move seemed to be the death blow in the War ensuring Victory for the Cos.....but wait...

....two weeks before the statute of limitations exceeded in the Pennsylvania jurisdiction on one of the allegations in question....a COUNTER-DEATH-BLOW trap was activated once again turning the tables in this media fiasco for the umpteenth time!

Turns out the Cosby case was the focal point of the race for DA in Pennsylvania between two lawyers with the one promising to try Cosby being elected the winner and now that lawyer has to keep the promise that won them the election to become District Attorney and try Cosby.


That about sums up where this is right now.

Comparison and Contrast

I was reading a pretty decent article in the New York post the other day by Andrea Peyser (here). She makes the claim that Cosby is losing the Trial by Media due to his old-ways pull-up-yer-pants beliefs which are not popular in this current society. She makes the comparison between Cosby and Roman Polanksi and openly wonders why Cos has more heat and less defenders than Roman had.

Polanksi had 138 hollywood types sign a petition in his defense after he fled the country....complete with Han Solo accepting his award for the Pianist at the 2002 Oscars. How come a guy who raped a 13 year old girl gets that defense but there is absolutely NO ONE left defending Cosby outside of like C-List celebrity Faizon Love?

I wrote two previous opinion pieces on Cosby...

1. Nov 2014: In Semi Defense of the Cos

2. Jan 2015: Is that Gloria Allred a Humongous Jabroni?

I made a comparison of Cosby to other celebs accused of sexual mis-conduct....Robin Williams and Woodie Allen....and I didn't suggest the difference was necessarily race for the reason Cosby's flack has been 1 million fold more intense than Woodie's and Robin's flack....I suggested it was more of an "old versus young" sort of reason as why Cos is getting this much flack...and it seems Peyser of the Post agrees.

Charlie Sheen is a good current example too. He is accused of giving womens The Aids but his flack has been pretty chill....in fact it's been very chill. He's stated he wants to cure Aids and is even being seen as a Hero by media. Funny I guess....it seems that's flack worthy, no? The Aids?

I don't even know much about Polanksi mentioned in Peyer's article. I heard of him and knew he did some sex-u-al misconduct but I've never seen any of his movies before. He seems like another pretty good example to invoke here in this comparison section.

Okay, so...I'm gonna sum up the cases against three fellows (referred to as A, B, and C) and you put in order from Most Worst Person to Least Worst Person out of the three.

Fellow A) Acquitted of a charge in 2005 against him and the matter was settled. A full decade later the case is re-opened. It details a woman who at the time was aged 33... who states she was in a relationship with a man she considered her "mentor" yet this relationship was not sexual in nature. She claims the fellow put his hands down her pants and now wants him to go to prison. Judging from the Toronto condo she purchased which is estimated at being over a million dollars some speculate that the original 2005 settlement was quite lucrative as such

All this fellow's accolades and honors have been revoked and will never work again in Hollywood.

Fellow B) A woman claims this fellow raped her when she was a 13 year old girl. She was a model who the fellow was taking photos of. The man was arrested yet fled to France before his hearing where he has remained since. He is on InterPol's list of fugitives and if he ever sets foot in USA again will stand trial.

This fellow still managed to WIN A FUCKING OSCAR in 2002 WHILST A FUGITIVE LIVING IN EXILE! None of his accolades have been revoked and in fact has GAINED accolades and awards since the incident!

Fellow C) This man is accused by his step-daughter of raping her when she was 7 years old. He had a past relationship with the child that was odd to many who observed them together. It came to the point where to see the child he had to remain under supervision ordained by the courts and had to follow a psychiatric examination. The couple later adopted a young girl and when this second child turned 17 years old he left his wife and MARRIED HIS DAUGHTER!

This fellow has had no accolades or awards revoked and still makes movies and tv shows in hollywood.

So you put A, B, and C in order of Most Worst to Least Worst....for me it would go....and this is just an opinion...but it would go:

Worst: Fellow C
Next Worstest: Fellow B
Least Worst: Fellow A

You probably know who's who but in case you don't:

Fellow A is Bill Cosby.
Fellow B is Roman Polanski.
Fellow C is Woodie Allen.

Yeah, sorry....I know he's the biggest star blah blah blah...but I consider Woodie Allen the worst out of those three fellows.

Woodie Allen

This name has always acted as a sort of litmus test for me...if someone says they like Woodie Allen then I know what kind of person they are. They are a selfish, autistic, narcissistic, neurotic person who's never worked a single day in their entire lives.

I really don't like this guy. His movies are unwatchable and he's creepy looking. His movies are all the same....a weird, neurotic, panicky little middle aged sheissball is nervous and scared of everything around him .... but always tends to win in the end as he gets to feel up some sixteen year old girl ... who for some reason is MADLY in love with his disgusting wrinkly ass and fidgety hands.

It's over the top. It is. It's like a fucking Tommy Wiseau movie these Woodie Allen movies. I really think it's a toss up between Tommy Wiseau and Shitball Allen over who is the worst film maker of ALL TIME.

Fidgety Hands
I've never watched one of his movies til the end...I can't make it. Maybe it's not that they're bad, maybe it's just me, it's just that I can't relate to these movies. I've grown up in a working class environment where you can tell a person who's never done hard work before by looking at them...you really can. Doing shitty and hard jobs you can tell a person who's never done that stuff before right off the bat....and that's all I see while watching a Woodie Allen movie...it's his fucking hands. Those fucking fidgety gross hands that I know have never been used to do anything difficult before. They steal the show those fucking hands. Fidgeting.... being gross ....fidgeting some more. Damn it man... if your movies are just gonna be some shitstain's hands fidgeting for two hours then at least have the common decency to not mislead the audience and name these fucking movies....Fidgety Hands, Fidgety Hands II, Fidgety Hands III: The Fidgeting... and etc etc .... don't fool people by naming them like Annie Hall or some shit. It's deceptive. If your movie is gonna be some nutcase fidgeting then let people know that before hand!

I would feel much better over the media circus against Cosby if the same intensity was applied to Woodie Alllen as well .... and it really isn't even close to the same intensity level.... not even close.

I think the intensity level of the Cosby Heat should be lowered or the intensity level of the Woodie Allen Heat should be higher....there's no way that Cosby should be getting more heat than Woodie Allen. It makes no sense.


I might be one of the last ones left... just like me and like Faizon Love ... but I am STILL in Cosby's Corner. Sorry but I am.

As for everyone else?

Gloria Allred? You might win....you might make like 100 million bucks out of this for yourself, Maroko, and Goldberg ...you might get the Cos incarcerated into a federal prison... but you know what? You will still be known in the hearts and minds of all Americans as being .... A Humongous Jabroni ... and that will be your legacy as a person who lived on planet earth. The Legacy of a Jabroni forever and ever. I wish Henny Youngman was still alive to ask you ... who the hell you think you even are!?

Henny on Allred. Amen, Henny....you were the Legend. I love you.

Hannibal Burress? I watched that salacious Justin Bieber roast with that salacious Justin Bieber ... and you did a joke on that show and then the camera panned to the laughter of the audience ... and do you know who the camera panned to catch laughing at that joke? The camera panned to Gloria Allred. 

I believe you are in CAHOOTS with HER. Now that you got some money in your wallet it seems you wanna keep your friends close but your enemies closer and you know being on that Salamander Snake's side might help you escape her wrath when it comes your turn to be dragged through the proverbial mud. You're a smart man, Hannibal, just like that elephant jabroni you were named after (or maybe that guy from the A-Team you were named after).

Dave Letterman? I watched you interview Cosby many times and you constantly referred to that man as your "friend" but now you want nothing to do with the man. I thought the word "friendship" meant something more than just telling someone they are your friend on television. It seems you simply have no loyalty to your friends and thus will never be considered a Bold Fellow. 

Spelman College? If you want to sever ties with Bill Cosby then maybe you should sever ties with his money too. What's that? You want to dis-associate yourself from him but not his 20 million dollar donation he made to you? That's convenient isn't it? If you had any honor you'd give every dollar of it back.

Woodie Allen? Your movies are a poor man's version of Tommy Wiseau movies. You should retract all of them from the public sphere so people never have to watch them ever again. You suck.

Roman Polanski? What's wrong withchu man? You're giving the respectful and wonderful Polish people a bad name when you act like that bro. Come on bro.

I know you still got a trick up your sleeve Cos! I know it!
Bill Cosby? I know everyone hates you now....but I'm still in your corner. I am. I know they re-turned the tables back on you but don't give up. This feud 'aint over yet! Cosby vs. Allred is NOT OVER YET so don't give up! If you got a card up your sleeve it's time to play it! It's down to the wire! It's the stretch run! It's 4th down at the goal line! Play your ace! Re-Turn the Tables again, Cos! I still believe in YOU!

I refuse to believe that this is how the Honorable Cos goes down for the 3 count.... like this? No way! I refuse to believe it! It's not over yet...I know he's got a trick up his sleeve that has yet to be played. I know he's not done yet! He's not done yet!

This is no longer a regular match. They don't just want his money now they wanna stick him a metal jail. This feud is a CAGE MATCH. It has literally become a CAGE MATCH. They poured concrete all over the ring to make it even more dangerous like at those god damn Chojin Olympics. This shit is getting out of hand!

I know it's an unpopular stance to take these days but I'm rooting for him. I truly am.

I truly am. Hey if Roman fuckin' Polanski can get 138 defenders he deserves at least 1500. The Cos isn't the greatest guy but he's genuinely at least 10 times better than that guy at least.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Great Moments in Literature 4: Leroy's Momma!

I've done a couple of essays called "Great Moments in Literature" in the last year or two. One was about Bob Backlund, one about Stan Gable and then one about Piccolo.

Past "Great Moments in Literature" :

1. Bob Backlund

2. Stan Gable

3. Piccolo

They all share the same thread of characters in media who's character-growth throughout their respective stories have been very interesting, unique and fun to follow.

I want to do another one, I've been reading some articles lately on the net which would be categorized as "feminist film reviews" I guess you'd call them...and I find this style of article writing to be really strange. The writers (95% of the time are females)....will review movies...but not in the traditional sense...they will review a movie but only in regards to how it deals with current buzzwords they care about and which buzzwords are currently popular at universities and other "fun" environments they frequent.

So the review of any movie in that style will go something along the lines of....

"There was four instances of -Damsel in Distress- within the first hour of this film which tipped me off that this movie was not going to be any good. It made some headway when it briefly depicted an Independent Woman in the scene out by the warehouse....yet that glimmer of hope didn't last long. Right after the warehouse scene there's a -TRIGGER WARNING-....a long -rape- scene which even goes as far as to use this rape scene as the entire sub plot for the remainder of the film. I give this movie zero stars out of 5."

-(hypothetical review of a movie in a university/college type of style)

The final review in this new style doesn't seem based on if they enjoyed the film or if they found it to be a well made film....but they base the final review on whether certain buzz concepts which are popular at colleges were adequately dealt with by the film makers.

Now, not to be rude but, this is kinda fucking stupid. The criterion for whether a human enjoys a movie they just watched should be based on whether they enjoyed the film or not. People shouldn't be watching entertainment media to see if it is conforming to current political correctness buzzwords. That takes the whole fun away from watching movies.

These buzzwords are silly too. They are semantically variable to the extent that any movie could be subjected to these nonsensical concepts and deemed not to conform to them. For instance, say I take this review-writing style and apply it to the film Saving Private Ryan.....

"In this film, within the first moments we are introduced to a -Damsel in Distress- situation in which Mat Damon is kidnapped by interlopers and held captive against his will. Typically, the heroic hero played by Chet Hanks has to come to the rescue of this poor damsel and save the day. -TRIGGER WARNING- Chet Hanks and his posse resort to murder to solve their problems and kill the men holding Matt Damon hostage. What is this saying to kids? That murder is the right way to solve your problems? I can't believe this. Oh and Matt Damon? How can you reduce yourself to portraying a Damsel in Distress? How low have you sunk? I give Saving Private Ryan zero stars out of five."

(-hypothetical review of Saving Private Ryan written in college-style)

That above review is actually technically true...but....it's a very distorted take on that film. Most people who saw that movie would call Matt Damon a Prisoner of War and not a Damsel in Distress...and most people would condone of the murder of stinky nazis in order to save that Prisoner of War. Everyone would see it that way...except those looking through the eyes of modern day college students.

 It's all just buzzwords this shit.

The other thing that bugs me about it is that everyone is flipping over these Hunger Games movies...which I've never seen so I don't know much to comment on them. I'm just gonna comment on the reaction to these films. Everyone is raving and raving about these Hunger whats-its. They're making it out to be like this is the first time a female has ever been heroic in a movie before. Like this movie has broken some sort of mold and is historic in nature. Yeah right. It hasn't broken any mold whatsoever.

Go watch Kill Bill for fuck's sake. Uma Thurman was fucking dudes up in that movie...like 88 of 'em at a time...with a samurai sword and she was doing that way before that Hunger Games kid was doing whatever it is she does in her movie.

I think maybe the main reason the females (and even some dudes who want to impress the females) at these universities are so uptight about watching movies....is because they simply don't watch the right movies! You just watch shitty movies, that's all. Watch some fucking good movies for a change.

The kind of movies I watch have lots and lots of bad female chicks in them, usually. Chicks who always fuck dudes up. When I was reading articles of people saying that the Hunger Games is providing audiences with the first heroic female of all time.... I was like, No Way Jose... my mind raced to powerful female women I've seen in good movies before. Kill Bill's Beatrice Kiddo was one of them....but do you know what the FIRST name my brain thought of when it thought of bad ass heroic female heroes in film?

Gail Neely.

Who, you're asking? You don't know who that is? Of course you don't, you just watch these mainstream movies that suck dick all week....you wouldn't know who Gail Neely is! I am talking about Leroy's Momma!

 Momma Washington!

Eleanor Washington: The Baddest Momma

...Only one person is powerful enuff, brave enuff, daring enuff to stop them.

....Only one person can ensure that Surf Nazis.....MUST DIE!

She's Tuff! She's Dangerous! SHE IS ALL WOMAN!

She's Leroy's Momma......and as long as she's ALIVE....the Surf Nazis.....MUST DIE!!!!!!!

Come taste Momma's cooking....ya dirty Surf Nazis!!!

Film: Surf Nazis Must Die

Synopsis: California's gang wars spiral out of control after an earthquake leads the state into a prolonged depression. The police cannot combat the gang warfare and simply give up. One gang wins the gang wars and takes claim of the entire state of California and that gang is....the dreaded Surf Nazis and all tremble at their power and cruelty.

One man, engineer Leroy Washington, who has devoted his life to rebuilding California back to it's pre-earthquake state runs afoul with the Surf Nazis on his way to work. After trying to fight them, outnumbered by a vast margin, the valiant Leroy is murdered by those terrible and cruel Surf Nazis.

Just another person murdered unjustly by the most dangerous gang in California....like so many others before him. The sate of California is truly in shambles. It is crippled and in shambles...total shambles.

Meanwhile, at a local elderly care residence, a woman sits by herself. She is old and living out the last of her days in peace at this old folk's home by smoking cigars and gambling with the other old ladies. She is happy and proud that her son has vowed to bring California back from economic and social collapse using his mastery of engineering. Yet woe is to be her upon hearing of her son Leroy's untimely death at the hands of.....Surf Nazis.

Eleanor Washington is a nice woman without a pinch of malice in her entire body. She is the quintessential Momma....she's sweet, nice, a great cook, with a loving warm embrace and gentle smile. A true Mother in every sense of the word.

Yet, what is a Mother with no child? How can she go on living out her lonely days in the old folk's home with no son to be proud of? No offspring to carry on her legacy? No child to call her own? The simple answer to her heart wrenching questions is that she can not.

A weaker mother may have commited suicide....but Eleanor? She doesn't want to stop living. No. She wants the scum who murdered her son TO STOP LIVING! Our Hero bursts out of her old folk's home like a woman possessed....in order to commence her mission....her mission of....

.....Destroying every last one of those filthy Surf Nazis!

Greatest Female Hero in Media History?

What is the hallmark and pinnacle of being a Woman? There are those that say that it is being a good and loving Mother....that is what makes a woman a Hero.

Yet there's also those who claim the pinnacle and hallmark of womanhood is standing up for what's right and killing Nazi Surfers.

These two schools of thought on what makes a Woman a Hero seem dialectically opposed on the surface....but the question is begged on this matter...what if a Woman can be Both?

What if a woman has all the traits of a Victorian mother figure. Super Nurturing, Super Loving, and makes Great Food.


What if she also possesses the traits of a Surf Nazi Killing Machine? Able to ride motorcycles, shoot guns with deadly accuracy, able to ride shotgun on a speedboat while picking off fleeing Surf Nazis with her trusty Gat?

Would it not then be sound of mind to declare the character who possess both skill sets set out by both schools of thought on the matter of what it takes to be a heroic woman....to be the greatest female hero in all of media?

This argument seems sound to me.


Lots of questions were raised here, so let's recap.

Is Gail Neely the Greatest Female Hero in All of Media? YES, she beats out Uma Thurman, Pam Grier, Xena, and others for the honor and distinction as such....Yes.

Do College Kids Know how to Watch Movies? No. They watch movies poorly. They don't watch movies to enjoy them or to be edified by them. They watch movies so they can try and apply silly things they learned in school to entertainment data in order to attempt to feel intelligent.

Do College Kids Watch the Right Movies? No. They watch crappy movies and wouldn't even know a good movie if they actually did accidentally watch a good movie. Their brains probably wouldn't even be able to code a good movie into memories because they are too stupid.

Did the Hunger Games create the first Woman Hero? Nope. I'm pretty sure chicks like Joan D'Arc, Beatrice Kiddo....and that bad bad bad, shut yo mouth, bad, bad, BAD, BAD Momma Eleanor Washington were being bad ass way before Hunger Games came out.

That skinny blonde girl from Hunger Games is not the first positive heroic female role model of all time. If figurative push ever came to hypothetical shove and her character had to fight Gail Neely's character (or even Uma's character) in a fantasy match....I would bet good money that Momma Washington would fuck that lady up! One Hundred and Ten Percent....fuck that lady up!

Anyways.....College Kids, start watching better movies....and stop taking movies so seriously? Okay? Movies are just movies.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Rock for Hall of Fame (For the Umpteenth Time!)

It's a personal human tradition for me to write in this blog one month prior to Baseball Hall of Fame voting time to launch an impassioned plea for sports super star and icon, Mr. Rock Raines, to be accepted into baseball's most hallowed of shrines.

Previous Ones:

2011: http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2011/12/baseball-hall-of-fame-is-incomplete.html

2012: http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2012/12/last-year-prior-to-hall-of-fame-voting.html

2013: http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2013/11/rock-hall-3.html

2014: http://writtting-d.blogspot.ca/2014/10/the-greatest-lead-off-guys-evar.html
(this one I wrote whilst watching the world series and went on really looong and I wroted A LOT).

In all seriousness, I'm out of things to say......I really am.

So.....This year we will be comparing the Rock to other people and things who share the monicker of "Rock" and attempt to decide via a scientific ranking method....which is the greatest Rock of All Time.

The entries are the following:

1) Tim "Rock" Raines
2) Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
3) Rock and Roll (the musical genre)
4) Charles "Roc" Dutton
5) Actual Rocks (like you see in mountains and in nature and whatnot)

Which of these five Rocks shall be crowned the King Rock? You'll have to read to find out (or scroll to the bottom...I guess that would work too).

The Rocks 

1) Tim "Rock" Raines

Tim Raines is the greatest. Tim Raines is an icon. Tim Raines is by far one of baseball's champions of the 80s and 90s.

This man could really play well. He could really knock it out. He was number one in the mix. He was the greatest baseball player. He could really rock it out. He could literally Rock the Place Apart.

Rock over London.
Rock on Chicago.
Wheaties.....Breakfast of Champions!

Tim Raines can Rock...he can Roll....he can Rock 'til the age of 101 years old and therefore his final rating on a scale of 100 will be 101. Wow.

Final Overall Classification: 101/100

2) Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Dwayne Johnson is in this contest? Oh crap. That's some stern competition for Greatest Rock of All Time. This Rock is a Legend too.

The Rock Says, The Rock Says....
This man was at one time the self proclaimed Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment. He is possibly the most quoted man of all time. People think like Einstein or someone is the most quoted man of all time....but they are very wrong.

If the Rock said anything back in the day....800 million people would start saying it the next day at work and at school. Like one time he said...."know your role".....and the day after he said that EVERYONE started saying that. Like, one time he called someone a Jabroni and then EVERYONE started to say that.

Now, as a person who oft uses the term Jabroni, it must be noted that the Rock did not invent that term but merely propelled it into stardom and into the Webster's Dictionary.

In the Documentary film, "The Sheik", by the Magen Brothers....The Rock has this to say about where he came across the term "Jabroni"....

"[Sheik took me under his wing to share his insight and wisdom]....and I'll never forget, I'll never ever forget...it was a very long flight and he said....'Bubba, let me tell ya, you go into the locker room, you sit down, you keep your mouth shut, you open your ears and you listen to everybody, ok? Don't be the Jabroni'...."
        (The Rock, from The Sheik Movie, 2014)

It is an undisputed fact that he learned the word from the Iron Sheik....but even then...it was the Rock who propelled that term into being the greatest word of the modern era.

It is. It's AWESOME.

It is a pretty great feat to have introduced the greatest word of all time into our lexicon. Damn, this greatest Rock of All Time is going to be harder to declare then I previously thought it was going to be.

All in All, Dwayne Johnson may have coined the best word of our times but since the Iron Sheik originated it....unfortunately......this Rock must be given a negative 10 deduction to his otherwise perfect score.

Final Overall Classification: 90/100

3. Rock and(/or) Roll, The Musical Genre

Everyone always tells me that Rock and Roll is Dead. That it died in about 1991. We know music sucks now and no one makes good music anymore....but is Rock n' Roll really Dead?

I don't think so. I think Rock and Roll has been jettisoned from the music scene these days but I know for A FACT that Rock and Roll cannot die. Rock and Roll is more powerful than a mere human like you or I can grasp. Even if we cannot see Rock and Roll anymore in today's music it doesn't mean it's gone forever.

Yes, as of right now Rock and Roll is dormant....yet.....we all know that no one can kill Rock and Roll. You might think Rock and Roll is dead...but one day, you're gonna walk into a MacDonald's and out of nowhere....Rock and Roll is gonna Rise Above like a Phoenix of the Night and Rock your fucking ass OFF.


Rock n' Roll is not dead....it's just harder to find it these days.

Final Overall Classification: 67/100

4. Charles "Roc" Dutton

Now, I've read that he Don Kinged some dude(s) back in the day and I don't know anything about that. It's neither here nor there....I only know Charles "Roc" Dutton from the characters he's portrayed in Movies and Tv Shows.

It's not so much his portrayal of the Roc character that wins him a spot on the list of greatest Rocks of All Time (and yes I understand that his name is missing the K and it's more like Roc the mythical bird but whatever). It is his portrayal of the maintenance man in "Rudy" that wins him a spot on this list.

Man, in that movie Rudy...that friggin' Rudy was being a little weiner at one point being all whiny and shit....and then Roc tells him...."Rudy, you're a spoiled brat...you think that getting a college grade education is a "waste"? You're a fool, Rudy." (or something to that extent...I'll see if there's a clip on youtubes).

Oh shit....there's a REGIS VERSION!? WHAT THE HECK!? This is cool.....

Haha. This is cool.

I saw that movie Rudy when I was a youngster and that scene really taught me to "Count my Blessings as Such" and that's a pretty powerful lesson for a youngster to learn, bubba, and I learned that very valuable life lesson from the Roc....so yeah...he really does deserve a spot on the greatest Rocks list even if he is missing the K in his name.

Final Overall Classification: 74/100

5. Actual Literal Rocks like in Nature and Mountains and Whatnot

There's three types of geologically classified Rocks and that's...

1. Igneous
2. Sedimentary


3. Meta-Morphic

People flip over Meta-Morphic because it sounds like some Voltron or Power Rangers type rock but it's not. Meta-Morphic mostly has to do with lava and volcanoes.....which is kind lame.

Whatever, Actual Rocks. Who Cares?
Igneous sounds like a sturdy sorta Rock you can really hang your hat on. I respect Igneous Rocks, yes. Sedimentary is cool because it's all layer on layer and it looks nice when you see like a mountain that has all these layers of different colors. It's very appealing to the eye.

I mean lava, and layers, and sturdiness is ok and everything....but I'm not really all that a big huge fan of regular rocks. Like, you can be in snowball fight and a stupid kid'll throw a snowball that has a rock, or stone, or pebble in it...and that's it man....you get that in the face and it's lights out and someone's mom makes you stop playing snow ball fight and everyone has to go home.

Never really liked Literal Rocks all that much, really.

Final Overall Classification: 42/100

Final Assessment on Rocks

From worst to most Greatest Ever.....

5. Literal Actual Rocks like in Nature and Mountains and Whatnot
4. Rock and Roll The Musical Genre
3. Charles "Roc" Dutton
2. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

and.......The Greatest Rock of All Time........is......

1. Tim "Rock" Raines !!!!